


Michael's Grief

by AceCosmos



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Everyone is pretty chill, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jeremy what have you done, Lots of yelling and, Minor Pining?, More tags to be added later., Self-Harm, breakdowns, trying my best to be canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceCosmos/pseuds/AceCosmos
Summary: After the Squip Incident, things seemed to finally be back to normal. Everyone was out of the hospital, Jeremy had a much larger group of friends, and he was finally dating Christine. Life seemed to be perfect.But something was out of line.What was going on with Michael? What happened to him?





	1. A Realization/Beginning

_Four weeks._  
  
  
 _That’s right, it had been four weeks since Jeremy had been released from the hospital._  
  
 _Three weeks since Jake and Rich were released,_  
  
 _And two since the play._  
  
 _And the Halloween party…_  
  
  
Michael exhaled with a loud sigh. So much shit had gone down in the last two months. Surely, everything could be okay now.  
  
But it wasn’t.  
  
He doesn’t know why, but something stopped him from confronting Jeremy, or, well, anyone else lately. He hasn't even gone back to school since Jeremy had been released.   
  
Maybe it was guilt.  
  
Maybe it was fear.  
  
Michael shut his eyes tightly. Why the hell was he even acting like this? Everyone had it far worse than him. Peers of his had been recently squipped. Jake Dillinger is in a wheelchair after rescuing Rich. Rich had permanent burns on his left side. And Jeremy…Jeremy already wasn’t well, and the SQUIP had made his life hell, and Michael knew what had happened to him while at the Halloween party. Why would he matter? It’s not like he had anyone else anyways.  
  
Michael pushed himself off of his bed, limping to the bathroom.   
  
He shouldn’t bother.

  
  
-…-  
  
“Yo, Heere!”  
  
Jeremy turned on his way into the cafeteria to see Rich heading over, pushing Jake in tow. Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna were close behind, in the middle of a conversation. Jeremy smiled. “Rich, Jake, how’s it hanging?” he chirped, sheepishly waving.   
  
Jake whispered something, prompting Rich to laugh out loud. “C’mon,” he said, patting Jeremy a little too roughly on the back as he walked past, “Let’s go eat lunch.”   
During lunch, Brooke was less than surprised to see Jeremy constantly spacing out, his head in the clouds as he mindlessly picks at the mediocre school lunch in front of him. But something was up. Brooke was seconds away from lifting a finger to say something, but Rich had beat her to it.  
  
“'Ey, Jeremy!” he said, waving his hand in front of the lanky boy’s face. Jeremy’s face was blank before he blinked, shaking his head and staring at Rich, full of nervousness.  
  
“Y-Yes, Rich?” he stuttered, confused as to why Rich looked like that.   
  
Rich huffed. “Well, I’ve been thinking, and…” He tipped his head, his smile disappearing. “Where’d your headphones friend go? Y’know, the kid in red with the patches? The one you always hang out with? Mell, was it?”  
  
Jeremy blinked, before a heavy weight seemed to be dropped down on him. He became downcast, a wave of panic washing over him as his shoulders sunk. “I-I…” He sighed, looking down at the food in front of him. “I…I don’t know, actually.” He could feel the gazes of his friends boring into him as he spoke. He felt sick.   
  
Chloe tipped her chin up, leaning back and putting her coffee back on the table as she stared at Jeremy. “What do you mean, Jere?” she asked, eyebrows raised in curiosity.  
  
Jeremy’s hands shook. “I-I mean, I don’t know. Because of, uh, because of everything that’s happened recently, I was too focused on other stuff to hang out with him, um, but he’s probably fine!” He forced a nervous laugh.  
  
Nobody answered him. Then Jenna looked up from her phone. “Well, I tried asking some of my sources, and nobody’s seen him in class. Or at all, for any matter.”  
  
Dread overcame Jeremy. What? He…hasn’t even been…at school? He buried his head in his hands, breathing shakily. It was becoming impossible to wrap his head around this. He pushed himself out of his chair. “I-I have to visit him,” he breathed, “I need to check if Michael’s okay.” He began to move, but Rich’s hand shot out and held him there.   
  
“Jeremy Heere,” he said, staring at Jeremy with a clear look of concern. “I cannot believe I’m saying this, but you aren’t going-“  
  
“-But Rich-“  
  
“Hell, we’re still in school, and I know how fucked it becomes when you skip. Listen. I’ll come with you after school if you want. C’mon, Heere.”   
  
Jeremy sighed, sinking back into his chair. “…F-Fine.”   
  
-…-  
  
For the rest of the day, Jeremy had an even harder time focusing than he usually did in school. He was fidgeting rapidly by the time the last bell had rung. He stood outside the school entrance, tapping his foot nervously as he waited for Rich. After what seemed like forever, the boy ran up, huffing.   
  
“Sorry ‘m late,” Rich gasped, gripping his knees as he caught his breath.  
  
Jeremy just shrugged. “It’s o-okay.”  
  
The two made their way to Michael’s house in silence, both completely nervous, though Jeremy was far more paranoid than Rich was about this. Clouds shadowed the sky as they neared Michael’s home.  
  
Rich tipped his head in utter confusion as they reached the house. “It's so big,” he breathed as they walked towards the front porch. "But it looks so…empty.”  
  
Jeremy sighed. “I…I don’t know much about what Michael’s home life is like. He lives in the basement, though, and before…all of this…he always seemed happy about staying at my place.   
  
Rich looked concerned. “…Huh.”  
  
After a couple deep breaths, Jeremy rang the doorbell.  
  
A strict looking woman who looked quite a lot like Michael opened the door, here eyes cold. “Who are you?” she hissed. She looked like she was ready for a business trip. Rich and Jeremy saw a cold looking man behind her, but they ignored him.  
  
“I-I…" Jeremy started, but Rich spoke for him, his voice more confident than the taller boy.  
  
“I’m Rich, and this is Jeremy,” he started, not looking directly at the woman. “We’re friends and classmates of Michael. Are you his mother?”  
  
“I suppose so,” the woman replies, tapping her foot. When neither boy said something immediately, she huffed. “If there’s nothing you want, can you two be a dear and move out of the way? My husband and I are late for a very important business trip.” As the two stepped to the side, Jeremy lifted a finger. “But Michael-“   
  
“Good day.” The woman and the man behind her walked out to the car and drove away.  
  
Rich and Jeremy shared a glance before walking inside.


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The travel through Michael's home in order to find their friend was harder than they thought. It wasn't pleasant.

The house was dark, and scarily neat. Everything looked so fragile and expensive, as if one touch would shatter them into pieces. Jeremy wrung his hands together nervously as they walked. This made him uncomfortable. He’d never seen the upstairs of Michael’s home, only the basement. Michael had even outright told Jeremy that the basement- which, besides what Michael had done to the place, looked like an average, shabby, oversized basement- was his room. Even after seeing the exterior, Jeremy had just made the assumption that it was masked to look like that, but was actually poorly kept on the inside. It seemed he was wrong.  
  
Rich, on the other hand, gazed around in confusion and wonder. “Wow,” he whispered, “Ain’t it a surprise to see Mell’s place so well put together!” His curious grin faded as he saw the look on Jeremy’s face. “Ey, Heere, what’s wrong? Besides the issue with Michael, I mean.” They stopped in front of a room with couches lain about, and a TV.   
  
Jeremy turned away, letting out a sigh. “I…I didn’t expect it to be like this, you know,” he mumbled. “From what I’ve seen, and how long I knew Michael, I always thought…I always thought his home was just…not that good. To see the rest of the place so expensive, it really…puts me on edge, y’know?”  
  
Rich sighed, nodding. “Yeah, I see what you mean. But let’s not think about that right now. Where’s the basement?”  
  
Jeremy sucked in a breath. “This house is so big, so…I don’t know. Let’s take a look around.”  
  
Rich replied with only a short nod, following the lanky boy as they walked through the winding hallways. Eventually, they’d found a door that was most definitely out of place. It was one of the only ones that didn’t seem to be well kept. Knocking on the door softly, Jeremy could hear an echo, that seemed to direct down instead of straight ahead.   
  
“This must be it,” Rich breathed. “You can lead the way, because…you know…”   
  
Jeremy shrugged. He opened the door slowly, the creak echoing throughout the entire house. It must have never been worked on. Rich went to flick on the light switch, but all they received was the slightest flicker before the lights shorted out. What the hell? Did those adults- Michael’s parents- really never do any maintenance to where Michael lived? Jeremy sucked in a breath. They must be terrible parents. Jeremy shook his head. Both boys began to walk down the stairs.   
  
“Michael?” Jeremy called, his voice shaky. An uncomfortable silence was around them. “Michael? Buddy? You down there?” The fact that they received no response whatsoever chilled Jeremy to the bone. As they hit the bottom of the stairwell, Jeremy ran ahead, frantically yelling that this point. “Michael? MICHAEL!” He skidded to a stop as he reached the main area. It looked like an absolute disaster. Michael’s things were thrown askew. His bookbag had been hastily thrown aside, the bean bags looked torn, his clothes were a mess. Even his headphones looked damaged. And…Rich swore he could see blood. But no sign of Michael. Jeremy resorted to looking through Michael’s things as a means to even attempt to find some sort of answer. Rich swiveled his head around. Then, he caught sight of something.  
  
“There!” he gasped, pointing at a nearby door. It was open ajar ever so slightly, light filtering through.  
  
Jeremy’s breath caught in his throat. “The bathroom…” he choked out, before running towards it. Rich stood there before walking behind, not wanting to cause any commotion. Jeremy flung open the bathroom door and rushed in. He didn’t look down, didn’t register the blood or the bottles until he heard a crack under his shoe. He jumped up with a cry, looking down to see what he’d stepped on. Michael’s glasses. Shit. Jeremy stepped back, and continued walking. He didn’t see Michael at all in there. He considered walking out, but he heard the quietest of groans from behind him. Jeremy swiveled his head at the sound, and ran back. The bathtub…  
Without a thought, he threw open the shower curtains.  
  
He felt his heart shatter.  
  
“R-Rich…? D-Do me a favor and call 911.”  


“What is it, Heere? What’d you find-“  
  
“J-Just do it…”  
  
Rich considered entering the bathroom in order to see what exactly was going on, but instead, he took out his phone and dialed 911.  
  
“911, what’s your emergency?”  
  
“I- uh- we’re at a friend’s house, and we just found his room a mess, and my friend Jeremy is in the bathroom, and- wait, hold on-“ Rich turned to hear what Jeremy was yelling, then turned back to the phone. “He just found his- our friend in the bathtub, Jeremy is saying that there’s a lot of blood and his friend looks bad and he’s not moving-“ Rich stopped as the operator asked questions. “His name is Michael, Michael Mell, he’s 16, his address is- uh- 47 Red Willow Way, we’re in the basement, okay, thank you…” Rich put down the phone, running to the bathroom and coming face to face with Jeremy, who was on the verge of tears.  
  
“Wh-What’d they say?” Jeremy whispered, keeping a grip on Michael’s unresponsive form.   
  
Rich just knelt by him. “They said they’d be here in a couple of minutes. Ain't that a surprise.”  
  
Both waited in silence until they could hear the sirens of police cars and ambulances. Two EMTs rushed down the stairs, quickly finding the three boys and heaving Michael onto a stretcher. Rich and Jeremy stood there before hastily following the workers outside. As Michael was put into the ambulance, a policeman came over to Rich and Jeremy, who had sat down on the porch. Ah. Interrogation. Rich and Jeremy had no choice but to answer his questions truthfully. It was all questions about Michael, what he was like, his relation to them, stuff like that. After what had seemed like forever, the policeman left with a nod. As they departed, Rich and Jeremy let out a breath. They still had to process what was going on, especially Jeremy.   
  
But school was still tomorrow, and facing that was going to be a whole ‘nother hurdle.


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after they'd found Michael wasn't as pleasant as they had hoped. 
> 
> ((Sorry for how short this chapter is! Chapter 4 is going to be quite long, I'll tell you!))

**I <3PlayRehearsal**: So you found Michael?  
  
**Jer-Bear** : Yeah…  
  
**I <3PlayRehearsal**: Is he coming to school tomorrow?  
  
**I <3PlayRehearsal**: I mean  
  
**I <3PlayRehearsal**: Is he okay???  
  
**Jer-Bear** : no  
  
**Jer-Bear** : to both of those questions  
  
**Jer-Bear** : He’s, uh, in the hospital? They said they would call when he woke up, and Rich found Michael’s phone and gave it to them so I'm waiting  
  
**I <3PlayRehearsal**: Thats good !!  
  
**Jer-Bear** : Hold on, I see you  
  
  
Jeremy ran up to Christine, who had been waiting for him by the entrance of the school, excitedly waving as he ran towards her. He skidded to a stop.  
  
“H-Hey, Christine!” he called. “Look, about-“  
  
“It’s okay,” she chirped, grabbing his hand and walking inside. “You don’t need to tell me everything.”  
  
Jeremy sighed, his shoulders sagging as they walked through the halls to their respective lockers. “I’m just scared, y-you know? About Michael.”  
  
Christine nodded, patting Jeremy on the back lightly. “No worries! I’m sure nobody will bother you about it. It’ll be much better in no time.”  
  
-…-  
  
Jeremy and his friends, along with Christine, ate in the library that day. None of them had the slightest idea how (not even Jenna, which had been a surprise), but much of the grade had found out what had happened. It took about 5 minutes before it had clicked that all they’d receive in here would be interrogation. So, they ran.  
  
Fortunately, nobody except for a few librarians were in the library. As they ate everyone breathed a sigh of relief. But Jeremy had something else on his mind. During the entire lunch period, they ate and chatted as if nothing had happened thus far, but Jeremy didn’t listen. He didn’t even budge when everybody got up, readying to leave.  
  
Rich patted his shoulder. “Jer-“ He didn’t have any time to finish his sentence before Jeremy grabbed his bag and sprinted out of the library. Everyone stopped in their tracks, watching the tall boy disappear out the library doors.  
  
“M-Maybe…he’s just thinking he’s late to class?”  
  
It definitely wasn’t the case. For the next couple of days, Jeremy was spaced out. Not only was he still reeling from the SQUIP, the added weight of what happened to Michael was difficult for him to handle. But he didn’t want anyone to worry. And he didn’t want the added stress to somehow prompt the SQUIP to want to return.  
  
As the weekend drew near, Jeremy spent less and less time with his fellow friends. He tried to keep himself focused.  
  
That Saturday, right after he’d wolfed down his breakfast, he begged his dad to drive him to the hospital. Michael may not be up yet, or even want to talk to Jeremy, but it’s worth trying to check up on him.  
  
-…-  
  
He walked into the hospital’s waiting room, clutching his shirt in nervousness. Part of him could feel everyone else in the waiting room’s eyes burning into his back.  
  
He snapped back into focus when the receptionist asked him a question. He looked up, nervously sweating.  
  
The receptionist stared up at him, her eyes emotionless. “State your name.”  
  
Jeremy jumped. “I-I, J-Jeremy Heere, ma’am.”  
  
The receptionist nodded, scribbling something down on a clipboard before looking back up at him. “What are you here for? Visiting or injury?”  
  
Jeremy cleared his throat. “I’m, um, here for Michael Mell. He was admitted about a week  
ago, and…” He stopped talking as the woman waved him off, typing something into the computer in front of her. She handed him a visitor’s pass, then turned back to the computer.  
  
“Room 348,” she said coldly. “Careful. There’s a man outside on suicide watch, just be sure to show him your pass.” Jeremy sucked in a breath, before nodding and heading down the hall.  
  
It wasn’t long before he reached the room. He showed his pass to the man, who nodded.  
  
Jeremy took a deep breath, before opening the door and walking in. Part of him wished he hadn’t.  
  
Michael looked terrible. Bandages and cords were all Jeremy could process before running over. A mask of oxygen was clasped over his mouth.  
  
Jeremy spent hours there, before visiting hours ended and he had to leave.  
  
Time passed.  
  
He came home one day, to his dad lost in thought.  
  
“Dad?” Jeremy asked, dropping his bag at the door. “What is it?”  
  
Mr. Heere looked at him, giving the tiniest smile. “Well, son, I’m heading over to the Mell house to pick some things up. And, Michael is going to be released from the hospital on Monday. I also talked with some social workers.”  
  
Jeremy sucked in a breath, shaking. “Wh-What’s the point of all this information?”  
  
“Michael is going to be staying at our house for a while.”  
  



	4. Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Jeremy gets to see Michael again! Great!
> 
> Their first encounter for weeks doesn't go as well as either would have hoped.
> 
> (Sorry in advance for the pain.)

“HE WHAT?!”  
  
Jeremy nodded, staring at the mediocre cafeteria food in front of him. “Yeah, a-at least that’s what he told me.”  
  
Jenna looked up from her phone. “When’s Mell getting out of the hospital, anyways?”  
  
Jeremy sighed. “Today.”  
  
All eyes turned to Jeremy in silence, before a chorus of “Good luck”s and “I hope he’s okay” hit him. Jeremy just nodded in reply.   
  
It was quite obvious that it was eating him alive throughout the rest of the school day. He could barely focus and kept fidgeting. By the time he was walking home, he was sweating so much. Jeremy tipped his head as he walked up his driveway, shielding his eyes from the snow in confusion. Huh, his dad was home. Most likely because he had to pick Michael up. Jeremy took a deep breath, opening the door.   
  
He was met with silence.   
  
As Jeremy kicked off his shoes and closed the door, Mr. Heere walked towards him. “Jeremy! Thank god you’re home. Listen, I have to go out for a bit, you mind holding down the fort? And be careful with Michael, he seemed a bit…numb and unstable, you know what I mean.”  
  
Jeremy shakily nodded. “I, uh, sure.”  
  
Mr. Heere nodded, waving to him and leaving. Jeremy watched his car drive away before turning to the stairs. Jeremy had pretty big room, but there was also a guest room. Mr. Heere had texted him on his way home, saying that Michael’s stuff was in Jeremy’s room, except fro his closed. He nervously swallowed the lump in his throat and walked upstairs.   
  
Opening the door, Jeremy came face to face with Michael, who was sitting on the other bed, playing with a DS. Michael looked up at him when he heard the sound of the door opening, and both boys froze.   
  
Jeremy nervously cleared his throat. “I, uh, h-hey, Michael.” Michael just stared at him before looking back down at his DS. Jeremy didn’t move. Was Michael ignoring him? Well, while he was doing so, Jeremy got a better look at Michael. Michael was still wearing his signature hoodie, and it seemed that there were either more patches added, or some were falling off. He looked far more tired, bags under his eyes. He was wearing knee-high socks- was he hiding something? And, every now and then, he’d cough violently. There was definitely something wrong.   
  
Jeremy sat on his bed, kicking off his shoes and dropping his bag. Michael didn’t look up. His hand reached for his headphones. Jeremy felt the SQUIP buzzing in his brain, but he quickly drank a shot of Mountain Dew Red to shut it up. “Michael?” he said, his voice wavering, hoping to get his friend’s attention. Michael pressed a button on his DS before looking up at Jeremy.  
  
“What,” he grumbled, his voice hoarse. He put down his DS, facing Jeremy. “What do you want?”   
  
Jeremy sighed. “I just…bro, I was worried about you.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have been.”  
  
“Micah, you were gone for two weeks-“  
  
“Don’t call me that-“  
  
“You ignored me before that, we found you nearly dead in a bathroom, Micah-“  
  
“Don’t call me- let me explain-“  
  
“Michael I was so worried-“  
  
“Jeremy-“  
  
“Michael you could’ve just-“  
  
Michael slammed his hands down on the nightstand. “Could’ve just what, Jeremy?!” he hissed, his voice rising quickly. “Could’ve just told you? Boy, that sounds so easy when you say it, doesn’t it? Tell me, Jeremy, how could I have done that?!”  
  
“Michael…” Jeremy began, but was abruptly cut off as Michael continued speaking.   
  
“After that-that fucking SQUIP happened, you got all these new friends, which is fine, but you just…stopped talking to me after that!”  
  
“I-“  
  
“And I know about your Optic Nerve Blocking bullshit, I heard Rich mention it in the hospital! I hadn’t seen you in so long, I ask you if you wanted to hang out to celebrate, and all I hear you say is that you didn’t want to be a loser, and I hear you whisper something and then you just…ignore me!”  
  
“Michael-“  
  
“And at the party, at Jake’s party, I know about what happened to you there, but you just said ‘Get away from me, loser’ and left me alone like that in the bathroom! I had a fucking panic attack after that, Jeremy! I almost choked on the smoke and I climbed out a window to escape!”  
  
“But you were fine when you helped me with the play, and in the hospital-“  
  
“I tried to stay calm, I tried to push it to the back of my head, I wanted to help but I also wanted to know if you, you know, still cared!”  
  
“Michael-““After you got out I just- I just fell apart!”  
  
“What did you-“  
  
“Oh, you want to know _WHAT_ I did?!” Michael was screaming now. “I didn’t bother going to school! I picked fights with my parents, I never left my shit of a room, I smoked way too much pot even though my lungs were still kind of bad from the party, I hurt myself, do I need to go on?! My life before all this wasn’t great but it was okay, I had you, you were my best friend, I fucking l-loved- love you, then this all happened and I’m so messed up and I’m so fucked up just-just-“  
  
Jeremy clenched his fists. “My life was shit too, Michael! I was an outcast before that, a victim of that god forsaken SQUIP and it’s still here to this day, I nearly got fucking assaulted, I got hurt bad at that fucking party, the last moments of the SQUIP were pure torture, you won’t understand-“  
  
“I don’t understand!” Michael screamed. “But I fucking cared about you, all of this fucked everything up, I fucking loved you and I still do, just-“  
  
“Micah-“  
  
“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, JEREMIAH!”  
  
Jeremy stood there, his face red as he watched Michael make a forced attempt to blubber out a couple more sentences before falling. He stopped before running forward to catch him. Jeremy felt the anger disappear as he watched Michael cry. Oh, god. Michael told him everything. He didn’t even realize Michael felt this way. And Michael rarely called Jeremy Jeremiah. Only Jeremy Heere at most. And did he hear Michael say he loved him? Jeremy shook his head. No time to think about that now. He leapt up, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around Michael before hugging him tightly, letting him cry.   
  
“Micah…” Jeremy whispered, rubbing circles on his friend’s back as he hugged him.   
  
“J-Jer-fuck, I’m so s-sorry-“  
  
“Shh…” Jeremy whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”  
  
They didn’t move for a while. Jeremy knew that he had a long day ahead of him.


	5. Update

Hey, guys! Sorry about the long hiatus on this fic. The thing is, it's very outdated. My writing's improved so much since I first published this, and it just doesn't compare. So, I've begun to rewrite the fic! I'll keep this fic up until chapter 1 of the revamp has been posted. 

Thank you so much for supporting this fic over the past year, and I hope you like the revamped version!

-Ace


End file.
